Parents not letting me cycle

CKinnard
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Re: Parents not letting me cycle

Postby CKinnard » Mon Dec 10, 2018 9:03 am

g-boaf wrote: Isn't that what happens in cycling clubs? Maybe your club doesn't have a lot of kids racing, but ours has plenty. They train and race together a lot.
yeah I did get involved years ago with the juniors of the local club, which I no longer am a member (too many boofheads, egos, and nepotism).
but the kids were from a wide geographical area, from many different schools, with little opportunity to socialize when not on the bike the 2-3 times a week they were at the club.
The team sports the parents seem focused on I presume are school sports, with school mates. So lots more potential for payback.

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g-boaf
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Re: Parents not letting me cycle

Postby g-boaf » Mon Dec 10, 2018 9:08 am

CKinnard wrote:
g-boaf wrote: Isn't that what happens in cycling clubs? Maybe your club doesn't have a lot of kids racing, but ours has plenty. They train and race together a lot.
yeah I did get involved years ago with the juniors of the local club, which I no longer am a member (too many boofheads, egos, and nepotism).
but the kids were from a wide geographical area, from many different schools, with little opportunity to socialize when not on the bike the 2-3 times a week they were at the club.
The team sports the parents seem focused on I presume are school sports, with school mates. So lots more potential for payback.
But if it's a sport you hate, it's not going to be beneficial. Only worse - the poor kid is going to feel even more outcast. If you hate something, you won't do it well. Why waste your time on that?

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Re: Parents not letting me cycle

Postby human909 » Mon Dec 10, 2018 10:41 am

I can't emphasis the above enough. Why would you waste your time on sports or activities that you don't enjoy?

Regarding comments about team sports, I think people are massively overrating the benefits of 'team' sports compared to non 'team' sports. Just because they have the descriptor 'team' doesn't mean it promotes learn of the soft skills that adults associate with teamwork.

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Re: Parents not letting me cycle

Postby CKinnard » Mon Dec 10, 2018 1:35 pm

human909 wrote:I can't emphasis the above enough. Why would you waste your time on sports or activities that you don't enjoy?

Regarding comments about team sports, I think people are massively overrating the benefits of 'team' sports compared to non 'team' sports. Just because they have the descriptor 'team' doesn't mean it promotes learn of the soft skills that adults associate with teamwork.
In my day, there was cricket and rugby league at primary school. There was tennis too, but that was not 'manly'.
No doubt there was many sports I was better at and would have enjoyed 10x more.

When you are a kid, as well as learning to work as a team towards a common goal, it is also important to be flexible, and adapt to situations you have no control of.

I whined for a few hot summers about my parents not having a swimming pool, but realized eventually whining wasn't going to make a pool appear.

Life isn't about throwing a spack attack every time you don't get your way, with your parents, or others.
And that making the most of what is, is more opportunity than most have.

Another angle on this for the parents is to use bike riding as a reward for a more desirable behavior - say, for every exam aced, he gets 3 hours extra bike time.

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Re: Parents not letting me cycle

Postby Calvin27 » Mon Dec 10, 2018 2:00 pm

human909 wrote:I can't emphasis the above enough. Why would you waste your time on sports or activities that you don't enjoy?

Regarding comments about team sports, I think people are massively overrating the benefits of 'team' sports compared to non 'team' sports. Just because they have the descriptor 'team' doesn't mean it promotes learn of the soft skills that adults associate with teamwork.
The whole team sports thing is over-rated. Join a decent club and you get the team experience. I did an individual sport and trained, sweat and won and lost with the team. Doing it via an individual sport has the added benefit of more diversity - you mix with boys, girls of all ages and in some cases seniors and veterans too.
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g-boaf
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Re: Parents not letting me cycle

Postby g-boaf » Mon Dec 10, 2018 2:04 pm

CKinnard wrote:Another angle on this for the parents is to use bike riding as a reward for a more desirable behavior - say, for every exam aced, he gets 3 hours extra bike time.
Some kids don't need that - they work hard at school and train hard on the bike.
CKinnard wrote:In my day, there was cricket and rugby league at primary school. There was tennis too, but that was not 'manly'.
I'm old enough to the play the "in my day" game - and it was all a load of rubbish. I never did cricket or rugby league and it didn't make me less of a team player. I work on huge, high profile projects in a team environment and I have no troubles with that. High pressure too.

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Re: Parents not letting me cycle

Postby duncanm » Mon Dec 10, 2018 4:21 pm

Calvin27 wrote:Doing it via an individual sport has the added benefit of more diversity - you mix with boys, girls of all ages and in some cases seniors and veterans too.
yup - I'm involved in another sport where people of all ages (8-80) compete directly on an even footing.

Old age and cunning often beat young enthusiasm, strength and fitness.

Its a great way for generations to mix and learn from each other.

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Re: Parents not letting me cycle

Postby Tamiya » Mon Dec 10, 2018 6:14 pm

duncanm wrote:
Calvin27 wrote:Doing it via an individual sport has the added benefit of more diversity - you mix with boys, girls of all ages and in some cases seniors and veterans too.
yup - I'm involved in another sport where people of all ages (8-80) compete directly on an even footing.

Old age and cunning often beat young enthusiasm, strength and fitness.

Its a great way for generations to mix and learn from each other.
Chess Club, huh? :twisted:

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Re: Parents not letting me cycle

Postby mikgit » Mon Dec 10, 2018 6:30 pm

CKinnard wrote:
human909 wrote:I can't emphasis the above enough. Why would you waste your time on sports or activities that you don't enjoy?

Regarding comments about team sports, I think people are massively overrating the benefits of 'team' sports compared to non 'team' sports. Just because they have the descriptor 'team' doesn't mean it promotes learn of the soft skills that adults associate with teamwork.
In my day, there was cricket and rugby league at primary school. There was tennis too, but that was not 'manly'.
No doubt there was many sports I was better at and would have enjoyed 10x more.

When you are a kid, as well as learning to work as a team towards a common goal, it is also important to be flexible, and adapt to situations you have no control of.

I whined for a few hot summers about my parents not having a swimming pool, but realized eventually whining wasn't going to make a pool appear.

Life isn't about throwing a spack attack every time you don't get your way, with your parents, or others.
And that making the most of what is, is more opportunity than most have.

Another angle on this for the parents is to use bike riding as a reward for a more desirable behavior - say, for every exam aced, he gets 3 hours extra bike time.
Back in my day of primary school, I had to play football (VFL style back in the 70's) for 3 year, hated every single second of it. Moved onto Basketball and played that, which I loved (wasn't necessarily any good), but for both none of my friends were in my teams, so I'd play then that was that. Thing is you know what I didn't do after my 3 years of playing football were up, ever have anything to do with VFL/AFL ever again, if someone wants to watch it in my house, they can go somewhere else.
But you know what else i did, not as a team sport, was ride my bike, everyone rode their bikes, now the 70's and 80's were a different time for sure, but we all rode bikes, we had fun, we socialised, made loads of friends, both from school and just around, it was great. I made zero friends playing football.
While not a team sport, my mum made me have swimming lessons from when I was, I don't even know, little, until I was like 16, another thing I absolutely hated... all those years... still can't swim.

I say if you you don't like doing these sports, then yeah, don't do them.
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Re: Parents not letting me cycle

Postby Mububban » Mon Dec 10, 2018 11:25 pm

pysun wrote:I am currently 13 and my parents have finally bought me a discounted road bike and cycling gear after 5 months of me negotiating with them. However, they are now refusing to let me ride on any road other than the M7 cycleway in Sydney once every 2 weeks and have locked that bike up at other times, claiming it "unsafe"(despite me riding 120+ km of per month on an old Big w bike to school on the road without ever getting into any accidents), ironically, they won't buy me a better helmet than a $19 department store helmet. They have also forced me to do sports in which I don't like(eg. basketball, soccer, etc.) instead of letting me to do my favourite sports(eg. swimming, cycling, etc.).

Do you have any advises for me in order to convince my parents that cycling is indeed safe and healthy(hint: male fertility) and that I am fully capable of keeping my self safe from cars, thanks!
That's a shame. Hopefully they'll come around and let you ride more. However, it seems unlikely if they themselves are deathly afraid of cycling themselves, they definitely won't want their young child doing something they fear, without them there to keep an eye on you.

Part of their decision is based on fear, but I'm guessing/hoping that most of it is based on love, and wanting to keep their child safe from harm. Which admittedly doesn't help you do what you love.

And let's face it, Joe Average doesn't like cyclists on roads, isn't particularly aware or mindful of them, and your parents are afraid some idiot car driver will hit and hurt or kill you.

As others have said, I think a cycling club is the way to go. A group is easier for drivers to see than you alone, you'll be riding with older experienced riders who will take care of you, so it's a much safer way to do the sport you love.

Good luck changing their minds!
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Re: Parents not letting me cycle

Postby syu » Wed Dec 12, 2018 6:33 pm

There's been some good advice given already regarding cycling clubs and the like. One thing that hasn't been mentioned, as frustrating to you as your current situation is, don't be disheartened, it won't be this way forever.

You're confined to the M7 cycleway for now, not ideal, but things could be worse. It will take time but your situation will improve.

If your request to go riding with a cycling club is denied, I suggest being proactive. You want to increase the frequency of when you're allowed to ride to more than fortnightly. When it's an "no-ride" day and you want to ride, go and cut the front lawn or something similar in the morning, without being asked. When you're done, tell your parents you'd like to go for a ride and you'll do the backyard when you get back home.

You get something, they get something. When the lawn is short, wash the car. Just don't be too proactive or you might find yourself spending all your spare time doing chores and you won't have time to ride your bike :wink:

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Re: Parents not letting me cycle

Postby bychosis » Wed Dec 12, 2018 7:29 pm

Good idea. When my kids ask for something (usually PlayStation) my first response is usually no because they’ve been lazing around and haven’t attempted to do their chores, let alone any extras to earn a reward.
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Re: Parents not letting me cycle

Postby P!N20 » Wed Dec 12, 2018 8:54 pm

syu wrote:you might find yourself spending all your spare time doing chores and you won't have time to ride your bike :wink:
Know that feeling.

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Re: Parents not letting me cycle

Postby BugsBunny » Wed Dec 12, 2018 8:58 pm

Hi Pysun

Great to see you here on the forums!

Many of us oldies here have memories of how we were when we were 13 so we know how you feel. And many of us here now are also parents of young teenagers, so we also have a good perspective of how your mum and dad feel. As we get older, we learn more about life and our perspective changes. None of us here will know what your parents are thinking but I'll bet they have your safety and interests at heart. So some general advice for you is:

Take your time. Don't push mum and dad too hard. Take your time to show them your maturity and responsibility. This can be stuff unrelated to cycling. For example, are you taking care of your homework and studies. When out with mum and dad, do you take care when you cross the roads. Do try hard to earn their trust through your actions.

Be open and honest and keep the communication channels with them open. It can be over a dinner when you talk about cycling safety, or other things to show that you understand how to look after yourself. Remember, when you ride alone, parents do naturally get worried for your safety. It's a normal reaction. So keep on chatting and sharing but be tactful and not pushy. Keep showing them that you are maturing.

Good luck!

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Re: Parents not letting me cycle

Postby foo on patrol » Fri Dec 14, 2018 8:11 am

There was another young bloke on here, a couple of years ago that had the same problem and he managed to slowly get more and more time on the bike. Be patient and consistent with your desire to ride and show that it isn't a flash in the pan moment. :wink:

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Re: Parents not letting me cycle

Postby g-boaf » Fri Dec 14, 2018 9:40 am

foo on patrol wrote:There was another young bloke on here, a couple of years ago that had the same problem and he managed to slowly get more and more time on the bike. Be patient and consistent with your desire to ride and show that it isn't a flash in the pan moment. :wink:

Foo
Well we did get some young Malaysian riders turn up yesterday - but nobody else new. First time I've seen UCI licenses. :) The A graders were absolutely bombing the final corner like they'd ridden there for years. 8) We certainly get an assortment of different riders from everywhere.

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Re: Parents not letting me cycle

Postby foo on patrol » Fri Dec 14, 2018 10:51 am

8)

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Re: Parents not letting me cycle

Postby Tamiya » Fri Dec 14, 2018 6:56 pm

g-boaf wrote: Well we did get some young Malaysian riders turn up yesterday - but nobody else new. First time I've seen UCI licenses. :) The A graders were absolutely bombing the final corner like they'd ridden there for years. 8) We certainly get an assortment of different riders from everywhere.
Casual privateers or the national squad under John Besley's wing - in Vic?

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Re: Parents not letting me cycle

Postby pysun » Wed Jan 02, 2019 6:37 pm

Thank you for your replies!

Unfortunately, none of your methods have worked out with my asian parents:

When I asked to ride with them on quiet local streets, they'd say: "Too dangerous, even I am afraid to ride on the road!"

When I informed them about joining a club, they'd say: "Bad club culture can lead you into a disaster besides, how many 13 yr olds do you think there are in a cycling club!", despite not having any experience with any sort of club ever in their lifetime and probably haven't ever heard of "juniors" in cycling clubs.

I guess I will have to wait until I'm an adult.

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Re: Parents not letting me cycle

Postby 10speedsemiracer » Wed Jan 02, 2019 6:53 pm

pysun wrote:Thank you for your replies!

Unfortunately, none of your methods have worked out with my asian parents:

When I asked to ride with them on quiet local streets, they'd say: "Too dangerous, even I am afraid to ride on the road!"

When I informed them about joining a club, they'd say: "Bad club culture can lead you into a disaster besides, how many 13 yr olds do you think there are in a cycling club!", despite not having any experience with any sort of club ever in their lifetime and probably haven't ever heard of "juniors" in cycling clubs.

I guess I will have to wait until I'm an adult.
I've had an idea...what if you asked Mum/Dad if you could increase the frequency of your allowed rides on the M7 that they're already happy for you to ride on. Say instead of fortnightly, maybe once every few days (and then just quietly ramp up the frequency over the course of a moth or two), and then in a few months when they've become accustomed to this, try the Cycling Club thing again (?). Also mention that it will help you be potentially a better soccer player/basketballer..

(source: daily cycling was my main cardio/aerobic training for 20+ years of soccer)
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Re: Parents not letting me cycle

Postby CKinnard » Wed Jan 02, 2019 7:09 pm

pysun wrote:Thank you for your replies!

Unfortunately, none of your methods have worked out with my asian parents:

When I asked to ride with them on quiet local streets, they'd say: "Too dangerous, even I am afraid to ride on the road!"

When I informed them about joining a club, they'd say: "Bad club culture can lead you into a disaster besides, how many 13 yr olds do you think there are in a cycling club!", despite not having any experience with any sort of club ever in their lifetime and probably haven't ever heard of "juniors" in cycling clubs.

I guess I will have to wait until I'm an adult.
Are they and you happy with your academic performance?

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Re: Parents not letting me cycle

Postby pysun » Wed Jan 02, 2019 7:42 pm

CKinnard wrote:
pysun wrote:Thank you for your replies!

Unfortunately, none of your methods have worked out with my asian parents:

When I asked to ride with them on quiet local streets, they'd say: "Too dangerous, even I am afraid to ride on the road!"

When I informed them about joining a club, they'd say: "Bad club culture can lead you into a disaster besides, how many 13 yr olds do you think there are in a cycling club!", despite not having any experience with any sort of club ever in their lifetime and probably haven't ever heard of "juniors" in cycling clubs.

I guess I will have to wait until I'm an adult.
Are they and you happy with your academic performance?
I usually score quite above average and they are not that kind of sterotypical asian parents that demand their children to get A+. But let's assume that they're not happy with my academic scores, it's not as if not letting me cycle 1hr every morning is gonna improve my scores as I already pretty much spend the whole day studying anyways.

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Re: Parents not letting me cycle

Postby Tamiya » Wed Jan 02, 2019 8:23 pm

pysun wrote: Unfortunately, none of your methods have worked out with my asian parents:
Bad luck. My kids (not much younger than you) aren't allowed out on road either/yet :twisted:

A generation ago... err... I didn't ask permission :lol: went out to LBS after school one Friday, bought a Malvern Star and tried to ride it home :shock:

I guess I will have to wait until I'm an adult.
yeah didn't ask permission to ride a motorbike either :wink: but waited till majority as needed a licence :mrgreen:

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g-boaf
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Re: Parents not letting me cycle

Postby g-boaf » Wed Jan 02, 2019 10:16 pm

pysun wrote:Thank you for your replies!

Unfortunately, none of your methods have worked out with my asian parents:

When I asked to ride with them on quiet local streets, they'd say: "Too dangerous, even I am afraid to ride on the road!"

When I informed them about joining a club, they'd say: "Bad club culture can lead you into a disaster besides, how many 13 yr olds do you think there are in a cycling club!", despite not having any experience with any sort of club ever in their lifetime and probably haven't ever heard of "juniors" in cycling clubs.

I guess I will have to wait until I'm an adult.
Bad club culture? Argh.( How many kids are in a cycling club, answer- heaps.

Show them this: https://parkbikes.com.au/blogs/news/iro ... ney-nguyen

He deserves a lot of respect. I don’t have much else to suggest or say. But his story was worth sharing.

CKinnard
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Re: Parents not letting me cycle

Postby CKinnard » Wed Jan 02, 2019 11:03 pm

pysun wrote: I usually score quite above average and they are not that kind of sterotypical asian parents that demand their children to get A+. But let's assume that they're not happy with my academic scores, it's not as if not letting me cycle 1hr every morning is gonna improve my scores as I already pretty much spend the whole day studying anyways.
I was thinking of it the other way around, in that they might perceive cycling as a distraction, and time away from study and pursuits more likely to improve your bred winning potential into the future.

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