10 useful tips for car drivers..(humour..satire)

[foz]

1.) If you see a cyclist ahead and you can’t pass because of opposing traffic, resist the urge to run over him, even though you can. You know what a mess it can make of your car if you hit a deer; a cyclist will probably do even more damage.

2.) Don’t throw stuff at cyclists: In some states there is a $250 fine for this; plus there is a $1,000 fine for littering; it can add up. If you feel you must throw something at a cyclist, think of the environment; throw something that is biodegradable.

3.) Don’t waste time thinking of clever things to yell at cyclists as you drive by at 50mph. Just shout, "Garble, garble, garble, !! BAN ME NOW FOR SWEARING !! road." It is all they will hear anyway

4.) If you are approaching a right turn, slow and wait behind the cyclist ahead of you. If you can’t do this at least be consistent and race ahead of other cars, then cut them off by turning right in front of them.

5.) Use the buddy system. If you can’t resist the urge to text while driving have a buddy ride along to look out for cyclists.

6.) Pedestrians can also be annoying; they will not stay on one side of the road and are likely to interrupt your texting by crossing over to the other side at some point.

7.) Resist the urge to lay on the horn. If you can’t do this consider fitting a second horn inside the car a few feet from your head. This will give you a realistic feel of how incredibly !! BAN ME NOW FOR SWEARING !! loud your car horn is.

8.) Watch your blind spot: Looking in store windows or at pretty girls as you drive by creates a huge blind spot ahead of you. Cyclists have an annoying habit of riding in this blind spot.

9.) If a cyclist is riding in the middle of the lane, it could be because he will not ride within five feet of a parked car. (The door zone.) If you expect cyclists to ride within inches of parked cars, set an example by driving within inches of parked cars.

If more cars did this and removed a few car doors, and grazed a few knuckles as a result, it would help by reminding people to look before opening a car door. At the present time cyclists hitting car doors does not have the same impact.

10.) Avoid hitting cyclists by simply going around them. If you should hit one because he happened to be there when you were applying makeup, don’t say “He swerved in front of me.” Simply tell the police officer, “I didn’t see him.”

This is becoming the more widely accepted defense; after all it is the truth and a driver can’t be expected to see everything. (Don’t try the “I didn’t see it” defense if you run a stop sign. For some strange reason this does not work.)

Extract from Dave Moulton's blog..