I would have thought the longer the two of you stay together, the more and easier you understand each other so in this way it does get easier? Also the extra time allows changes in habits to suit living together?Zippy7 wrote: If she blames you now, she will definitely continue to blame you as time goes on. I've been married 18 years - it doesn't get easier, but BOTH parties must compromise to make it work. That's not just you giving in each and every time.
Male reproductive health and cycling
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Re: Male reproductive health and cycling
Postby zill » Sun Aug 02, 2015 7:42 am
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Re: Male reproductive health and cycling
Postby matagi » Sun Aug 02, 2015 8:43 am
No, that does not always follow.zill wrote:I would have thought the longer the two of you stay together, the more and easier you understand each other so in this way it does get easier? Also the extra time allows changes in habits to suit living together?Zippy7 wrote: If she blames you now, she will definitely continue to blame you as time goes on. I've been married 18 years - it doesn't get easier, but BOTH parties must compromise to make it work. That's not just you giving in each and every time.
Every relationship involves some degree of compromise - sometimes major, sometimes minor. However, in a balanced relationship both parties will move to some form of middle ground on the really major stuff. It should not be the same person who always compromises. That is not how a healthy relationship works and will lead to frustration and unhappiness. The other thing that is key is good communication (and I speak as someone who has been happily married for 31 years now).
Calvin27, I hesitated before writing the next bit, but the thought did cross my mind ....... If this is indeed an accurate account of her current behaviour, maybe she is looking for an excuse to end the relationship? Hence the seemingly outrageous demands around having children. I think you two need to sit down and have a "where is our relationship heading/are we honestly happy together" type of discussion.
As I said in my previous post, there is more going on here. You need to make sure your relationship is on a solid foundation before chucking children into the mix. Even the strongest relationships can be tested when children come along. If you cannot have a face to face discussion without it descending into a shouting match, then I suggest you write down your concerns and feelings and give it to her to read. She may still go ballistic but at least you have tried another avenue of communication. It is then up to you to decide how YOU wish to proceed.
I wish you all the best and hope you can both resolve this.
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Re: Male reproductive health and cycling
Postby zill » Sun Aug 02, 2015 10:02 pm
matagi wrote: No, that does not always follow.
Every relationship involves some degree of compromise - sometimes major, sometimes minor. However, in a balanced relationship both parties will move to some form of middle ground on the really major stuff. It should not be the same person who always compromises. That is not how a healthy relationship works and will lead to frustration and unhappiness. The other thing that is key is good communication (and I speak as someone who has been happily married for 31 years now).
Sounds like a lot of trouble. If one is not interested to have kids with someone nor for financial gain, relationships seem like an unnecessary complication. I have always been single and have no desire to be in a relationship. As a result, life is pretty easy and simple for me which is nice (not to mention being able to ride whenever I want) . So I guess I am happily single.
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Re: Male reproductive health and cycling
Postby human909 » Mon Aug 03, 2015 10:05 am
Wow. This does sound like some onerous demands.
(Not that I am one to talk. I am unmarried and won't claim to have had extensive experiences in long term relationships.)
I don't think I'm particularly paternal. But we'll see where my life leads... At the moment I do enjoy being an important part of the life of my nephew and there might be more on the way. (All the fun and none of the responsibility!)
Ultimatum? This isn't a forum or thread for such discussions, but ultimatum isn't the sort of approaches that are great in relationships. Though it does look like your are between a rock and a hard place here. It sounds like the decisions, concerns and conflicting parts of the relationship extends well beyond cycling and need to be addressed. I wish you best in resolving these. Some conflicts, disagreements and differences is normal in relationships. But that needs to be worked through, occasionally though the differences are too great to be overcome. This really should be worked out before having kids.Calvin27 wrote:Yep. I did mention this, but to no effect. I will escalate to make it an ultimatum.
(Not that I am one to talk. I am unmarried and won't claim to have had extensive experiences in long term relationships.)
Lucky? If you don't want kids then surely that should be part of the choice of partner rather than luck? But either way sounds like your happy about it all!gorilla monsoon wrote:I was lucky and married a girl with absolutely no maternal instincts whatsoever. She doesn't even like holding babies.
I don't think it is particularly low. There are plenty of women who have a desire for few or no offspring. In some marriages I know the male is the stronger driver of more kids.zill wrote:I don't meet many women but what percentage of the Australian female population does this group of females represent roughly?
I don't think I'm particularly paternal. But we'll see where my life leads... At the moment I do enjoy being an important part of the life of my nephew and there might be more on the way. (All the fun and none of the responsibility!)
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Re: Male reproductive health and cycling
Postby fatherofmany » Tue Aug 04, 2015 11:58 am
Um...
Rode the mtb occasionally and conceived the first and second. Bought the roadie & commuted every day with weekend rides and conceived the next four. All are normal healthy kids, ok so number five of many is a little anxious one but that's just her and not got anything to do with bike riding.
Still riding a bike everyday - commuting, which we both feel is a great example to the kids. Weekend rides have suffered a bit because of time constraints but they'll be back, I'll just have to get up earlier.
FoM
Rode the mtb occasionally and conceived the first and second. Bought the roadie & commuted every day with weekend rides and conceived the next four. All are normal healthy kids, ok so number five of many is a little anxious one but that's just her and not got anything to do with bike riding.
Still riding a bike everyday - commuting, which we both feel is a great example to the kids. Weekend rides have suffered a bit because of time constraints but they'll be back, I'll just have to get up earlier.
FoM
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Re: Male reproductive health and cycling
Postby rodneycc » Tue Aug 04, 2015 1:36 pm
^^ Been waiting for FoM to chip in... So there you go, that's all the proof you need...
Me, I've got my own health problems and whether I give riding commando another go. Reckon Global Cycling Network might have steered me wrong on that one. The Jatz crackers just weren't real happy last time and think I'll stick with the small amount of chaffing....
Me, I've got my own health problems and whether I give riding commando another go. Reckon Global Cycling Network might have steered me wrong on that one. The Jatz crackers just weren't real happy last time and think I'll stick with the small amount of chaffing....
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Re: Male reproductive health and cycling
Postby rapunzel » Wed Aug 05, 2015 11:00 am
Wow. However, I think willful ignorance (because that is what some of the above appears to be) should be differentiated from 'crazy'. Stupidity, also, is different.tcdev wrote:Is it a phase? Perhaps. Is it borne out of fear? Perhaps. My wife had a work colleague who was put on a very strict diet when they were conceiving, including no meat. Granted, they did have fertility issues and the wife's clock was definitely ticking, so there was method to the madness and he probably did the right thing by adhering to it. Problem was, the crazy didn't stop, even when the baby arrived!
For example, the grandmother wasn't allowed to hold the baby for several weeks/months after the birth - because the wife thought it would interfere with the baby bonding with her. Also, no visitors in the house when the baby was sleeping - in case it got woken (I think every parent knows that's just digging a deeper hole). No surprise she was a staunch anti-vax'er too.
In the end they divorced when the baby was a toddler.
Note: I think I shy away from the 'crazy' terminology in my responses here because it becomes a throwaway term for the behaviours we can't or don't understand. This can be detrimental when it comes to understanding and dealing with real mental health issues which are so prevalent in our society.
Anyway... I hope the original poster is getting closer to some sort of outcome (and still riding, because it is a fertility non-issue...)
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Re: Male reproductive health and cycling
Postby fatherofmany » Wed Aug 05, 2015 2:40 pm
Thanks Rodney, you also brought up commando. I should mention that I almost always ride commando, even on a weekend family ride, just in shy shorts. A quick trip to the shops, probably not but anything longer (&/or faster), yes.rodneycc wrote:^^ Been waiting for FoM to chip in... So there you go, that's all the proof you need...
Me, I've got my own health problems and whether I give riding commando another go. Reckon Global Cycling Network might have steered me wrong on that one. The Jatz crackers just weren't real happy last time and think I'll stick with the small amount of chaffing....
You're more likely to cook the wrigglers if you wear briefs, gave them up years ago. Boxers or trunks mostly and keep em healthy by commando-ing as much as possible. I have found that I don't chafe on those shop runs wearing trunks.
FoM
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Re: Male reproductive health and cycling
Postby GAV!N » Wed Aug 05, 2015 4:20 pm
Wow! So being fit and healthy (by cycling) can cause your kids to have autism...
On a serious note, from briefly reading the thread, your relationship is not ready for children. If there's ultimatums, threats of leaving etc, kids are NOT GOING TO HELP. The first few years of children (I'm only up to year 3, so can't comment further) are extremely difficult for a relationship. Start it off on shaky ground, and your chances of coming through the other side will be diminished.
Me? 1 and a 3 year old, went in for the snip last week! I'm done
On a serious note, from briefly reading the thread, your relationship is not ready for children. If there's ultimatums, threats of leaving etc, kids are NOT GOING TO HELP. The first few years of children (I'm only up to year 3, so can't comment further) are extremely difficult for a relationship. Start it off on shaky ground, and your chances of coming through the other side will be diminished.
Me? 1 and a 3 year old, went in for the snip last week! I'm done
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Re: Male reproductive health and cycling
Postby Sabantien » Sun Aug 16, 2015 10:27 am
My gf likes the ability to hand back kids after a cuddle, and quite honestly, I don't think I could have kids with her. I see it ending badly.
I agree with most, this is not a health issue, she's got something else going on and she's blaming the cycling.
If she's not being rational, then there's nothing you can do or say, no argument you can present, that will make a difference.
May I suggest you write her a letter telling her how you feel. Do it when you're calm, and take the anger out of it. You don't want to just argue. Encourage her to either talk to you about what is really going on, or if she can't, also write a letter.
All that said, while you don't want to just give up on someone you're in a relationship, you also need to recognise when you're flogging a dead horse. No one else can tell you that, we're not seeing everything going on.
I agree with most, this is not a health issue, she's got something else going on and she's blaming the cycling.
If she's not being rational, then there's nothing you can do or say, no argument you can present, that will make a difference.
May I suggest you write her a letter telling her how you feel. Do it when you're calm, and take the anger out of it. You don't want to just argue. Encourage her to either talk to you about what is really going on, or if she can't, also write a letter.
All that said, while you don't want to just give up on someone you're in a relationship, you also need to recognise when you're flogging a dead horse. No one else can tell you that, we're not seeing everything going on.
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Re: Male reproductive health and cycling
Postby Marx » Sun Aug 16, 2015 10:56 am
I can't find research on birth defeats resulting from cycling dads, is there any on-line?
I thought the issue was decrease in sperm count, but as we only need 1 sperm to succeed it's not a biggie if the daddy is shooting thousands instead of tens of thousands.
I've got 2x kids, and if you want to be a hands on dad (no extended family on call and a working mum) your riding will decrease somewhat. Although those kiddie trailers are great resistance training.
As for managing the husband/wife relationship, it's all about diplomacy & consensus. Bay of Pigs, sort of stuff.
I thought the issue was decrease in sperm count, but as we only need 1 sperm to succeed it's not a biggie if the daddy is shooting thousands instead of tens of thousands.
I've got 2x kids, and if you want to be a hands on dad (no extended family on call and a working mum) your riding will decrease somewhat. Although those kiddie trailers are great resistance training.
As for managing the husband/wife relationship, it's all about diplomacy & consensus. Bay of Pigs, sort of stuff.
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Re: Male reproductive health and cycling
Postby diggler » Wed Aug 26, 2015 2:07 am
Not a keeper. After this there will be the anti immunisation, anti fluoride etc.
Motorists hate cyclists and cyclists hate the motorists and the pedestrians hate the bikers and everybody hates the trucks.
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